i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
