Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
