The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
