So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
