Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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