this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
