Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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