so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
