She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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