The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
