update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
