WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
