3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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