why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
