he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
