his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
