problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
