Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
