Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
this will be a night to untag.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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