Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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