Is it because I queefed?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
