Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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