a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
