Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
