Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Randomize
