I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
