You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
