So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
