I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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