Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
