it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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