the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
