Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
