Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i can't believe i had my finger in that
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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