I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You've changed since you got that strap on
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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