With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
