Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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