We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
