I hate your face
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
