I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
