Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
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