I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
