If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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