Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
smell my finger.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
