Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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