I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
