I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
