cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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