high people should be assigned attendants
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
