Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
