I think i sorta joined a cult last night
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
