tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
