16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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