My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
