if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I think I just sharted jello shots
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
